he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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