You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I cockslap morals
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
