WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
