Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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