Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
