He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
