when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
