so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I love having hate sex.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I supernannyed him into submission
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
