.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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