Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
