he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
