I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
