So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
