Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize