Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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