Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
