why do cheetos always look like penises
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
