last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
