what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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