i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Thank you for not boning my boss.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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