can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
