i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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