she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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