His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
