Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
