You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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