If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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