Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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