If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
