She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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