God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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