So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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