Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
