Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
