Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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