this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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