i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
