you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
