he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
