You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
