Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
