so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I supernannyed him into submission
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
