I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
