Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
