I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
