Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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