Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
