Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
