And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
