I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
