hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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