Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
