Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
