You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize