There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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