Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
