If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
