Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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