You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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