Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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