Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
