Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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