btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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