If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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